I always knew that when I was finished dancing I would move into something to do with health and wellbeing. Because of my passion for healthy food I was 100% certain I would become a nutritionist. (And so did everyone else I believe.) I wanted to teach people how good you can feel just by shifting things in your diet. (It truly is amazing.)
Last year when I decided I wanted to pursue this next chapter I looked into courses and degrees. I felt so excited but when I went to check these places out it just didn’t feel right.
I kept thinking about it and flipping between studying naturopathy and nutritional medicine. I couldn’t decide because neither felt 100% right. I was so annoyed because I thought I had this all mapped out! What was I going to do if the one thing I thought I wanted to study didn’t feel right? The thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to help people.
Around the same time I was slowly making the discovery/realisation that my eating was disordered. I had struggled with food and body image for what felt like my whole life. I had eaten healthily, perfectly healthily at times, but it never mattered. I was never truly glowing with health because of my turbulent relationship to food, my body and myself.
I drank green smoothies, ate lots of veggies, cooked from scratch, ate good fats, didn’t touch sugar, didn’t drink alcohol, the list goes on. I followed all the rules! If I wrote out a food diary you would have thought I was amazingly healthy. But the truth is I could only maintain these perfectionist super strict ways for a short amount of time and the pendulum would have to swing back the other way. I was either really healthy, or really not. I didn’t know how to be any other way. I was totally out of balance.
I dealt with secret eating, emotional eating, self loathing and feeling riddled with guilt and embarrassment.
I use to think:
I’m ‘the healthy one’! What the hell is wrong with me. I know how to eat, I know when to eat it, why can’t I just do it all the time?
I thougt I had to be perfect or there was no point. I was NEVER happy with my body, and I’ve been in great physical shape at times, but it was never ever enough for my perfectionist standards. I never practised loving my body, so it wasn’t going to magically start happening just because I lost weight. I always felt embarrassed about myself, my crazy eating behaviours and what others thought of me.
It wasn’t until I started rebuilding my relationship to food, releasing these old patterns and finding confidence in my body that I thought:
Aha! THIS is what I need to do.
Eating psychology. I need to help people who are going through the same thing. I GET it. It’s obvious by now that I have been there, my love. And I know you could have the best nutritional knowledge in the world, but if you have a crappy relationship with food and your body you are never going to find the healthy glow you’re seeking.
I am so glad I listen to my intuition and didn’t force myself into doing something that didn’t feel right, because I am literally bursting with passion when I think about helping people transform their relationship to food. That’s where the magic happens.
I just can’t wait to share more and more with you the more I study and learn.